Talking to Epson support.
20:15

So I'm in conversation with Epson support; the guy at the other end has been quite responsive and he seems to have a a clue (at least he doesn't seem to be following a script).

I'll let y'all know how it turns out.

After talking to Epson.
09:12

So I sent this picture to their support guy, and he asked "Is that water on the print or..." "No, that's ink." "Oh no way..."

So they're going to cross-ship me a new printer, which pleases me - I was afraid I'd have to ship this one back first.